FARTS
He has an apparatus he wears when he goes at home. Holding his breath doesn’t work because aside from the olfactory nonsense he’s normal, and every normal person strains a bit from time to time. Can’t strain for very long while you’re holding your breath. Forget about public bathrooms. Can’t walk around with a gas mask on in Minneapolis. Even in Minneapolis. Off limits. Enclosed spaces in general. Too many people and odds are it’s bound to happen. Someone in the room has had cottage cheese for lunch and they don’t know about his crossed wire and they let loose a nice quiet prayer-to-god of a fart on the mall escalator. He doesn’t get a chance to decide before heaving vomit all over the back of the Farter. Not even a moment to turn out of the way. He can apologize but it never does any good. So he stays home. And when he has to go himself, he uses the apparatus.
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